Wondering

This week is very hectic...

My first Norwex party as the consultant instead of just the hostess.

A field trip on Friday with all of its last-minute details.

A chorus performance to attend tonight.

Laundry, cleaning, the normal house stuff.

And through it all, I am wondering...How's my baby doing?  Is Little One (LO) growing inside a belly right now?  Does LO feel safe and loved?  Is LO healthy?  Is LO going to love me and let me hold him/her?  When is LO coming?

It kind of makes me sick sometimes.  And I know I'm not alone.  I'm not the first mother of a child to feel this way.  It is a daily task, sometimes even a tug-of-war, to relinquish all of this to God.

If people could be inside my head they would think I am crazy (maybe they already do).
It sounds a little like this:

I know you are in control, God, but what if my baby has major health concerns and we are stuck in hospital for months just trying to get LO to live?
What if there is something not quite right with LO's brain?
What if LO screams all day and night, so hard that his/her body is completely rigid and I can't get LO to calm down?????
Okay, okay, I could do this all day, right?
You are in control.  You don't react to anything.
You are the King of being proactive.
You knew it.  You designed it.  You have it all figured out.
I just need to do what you tell me to do, go where you tell me to go, learn what you want me to learn, love how you want me to love.
Alright then.  I give up.  I surrender.  You win.  Because you already have.

Thank you Lord for being a know-it-all.  I'm so glad you do.